And so it comes to a close. Eek! This morning I had my last exam of the week, and now I've got my bags (mostly) packed. It has been a flurry of a final week between wrapping up classes, organizing last-minute errands, and trying to do all the "last" things and yet somehow I'm not quite ready for it to be done. It feels like not that long ago I was getting giddy over all the "firsts," so it has been bittersweet to go to my favorite cafés for the last time, savor the last sunset picnic, and dance it out at zumba one more time. While I wouldn't rush to have another round of exams per-say, I know I'm going to miss these parts of my daily routine here and I almost wish I could have a few more days to experience this city, especially in this sweet spot of spring we're in.
But...maybe it's best I leave with those bittersweet feelings. I can carry them with me and maybe one day they'll draw me back to this place to re-live a piece of this undeniably unique chapter of my life. It's truly surreal that it's coming to a close, but I know that I will carry these experiences with me going forward, and as I look back on my time in Granada it will bring a smile to my heart. For all the highs and lows and in-betweens, this has been an important part of my growth as a student, as a world citizen, and as an individual. In the weeks and months to come, I'm eager and I'm curious to see what reflections and reactions unfold, but for the time being I can share some thoughts on my learning these past months:
1. Between weekend trips and week-long adventures, between bus rides and airport lines, between a day spent at the beach or a day spent at a museum, I think I have learned a boatload about how to travel. While at first trip planning felt anxiety-provoking and intimidating, I now have a much better handle on the process of planning travel that fits me. Granted, it is still an anxiety-provoking experience at times, but I've gained confidence from each additional experience I've had and they've each helped me understand a bit better how to balance fun and learning; rest and adventure; budgeting and splurging. On top of the logistics of travel, I've gained a greater sense of independence from these excursions and I've made some amazing memories with people I love dearly. What a joy!
2. Before coming abroad I think it's easy to imagine that a stress-free semester awaits. While this may be true for some, it was not my experience, and that's ok. In fact, I think it's actually an important lesson to learn that no matter your context, there is always something, something to worry about. But, what's important is how we handle those feelings and how we acknowledge them without getting lost in them.
3. This semester my language skills have definitely improved and I feel more comfortable in Spanish language contexts than when the semester began. At the same time, though, I still don't understand some words or I miss the meaning of colloquial phrases, and I don't think that will ever totally go away -- I'll always need to fill in the gaps as best I can. It's humbling to realize the hard work that language-learning demands but the process of improving my Spanish has taught me to be more comfortable with the unknowns that lie in those unfamiliar colloquial phrases or thick accents. At first I would get caught up in the things I didn't understand, but now I'm more comfortable letting go of the few things I don't understand so that I can focus on what I do. One moment from this week comes to mind: I got my first haircut here and I understood about 75% of what the hairstylist was telling me then I was comfortable letting go of the few less important words that I missed through her thick accent. Of course it turned out just fine and in addition to a fresh cut I came away with a fresh perspective.
4. I think this is where I'm supposed to say something about hard work, but I have an unusual take-away on this one. It's definitely true that I've had to put in hard work this semester to get the outcomes I wanted in classes, but I already learned to work hard at my university back home. Here, rather, I've learned the freedom of taking a breath and giving myself permission to put my own wellbeing above whatever school-related responsibility is demanding my attention. Lately I've been less willing to sacrifice sleep in order to finish one last thing on my to-do list or put off a FaceTime date with a friend just so I can sneak in a few more minutes of studying. It's been a positive change to re-order my priorities and I hope to carry this with me. Work hard...but be kind to yourself!
5. This experience has been a lesson in having patience in the process. I've journaled on this topic on my own from time to time and it has felt like an important theme of this semester. At times I didn't know how I was supposed to be learning/feeling/changing but I was reminded that part of this process is not knowing yet. While each day I might not have known how I was supposed to be learning/feeling/changing, when I string them all together from this side of the calendar I can gain a greater appreciation for this whole big process.
6. Back home, I'm deeply invested in a faith community during the school year and my summers are spent building relationships with kids where they have space to freely explore their unique faith journey. Those are both immensely important parts of my life, but during this semester abroad I've had less opportunity to get plugged in to any sort of faith community. While it was a challenge at times, the lack of a supportive faith community here challenged me to adapt to new ways of connecting spiritually and a huge part of that was prayer. I've found myself depending so much more on prayer as a way to connect with God and let go of whatever is weighing on me. Even more than that, I've used prayer as a way to embrace my dependence on God and invite Her presence to support and guide me. Even as I have the opportunity to dive back into faith communities, I hope to maintain that personal practice. As they say: let go, let God.
7. And lastly, a stolen reflection from a good friend: I value permanence. I'm abundantly grateful for the opportunity to have lived and learned in such a picturesque, colorful, and culturally rich place but the heartbeat of home just gets stronger. I miss my roots and it's only by coming here and spending such an extended period of time away from home that I could have learned just to what extent I value permanence. This lesson will guide me as I make plans for the immediate and distant future, but as I build a life with permanence my experiences in Granada will also remain with me permanently and preciously.
Up next? I will be traveling for the next couple of weeks before hopping back to the mitten. I'll be snapping lots of pictures and I can't wait to share them -- but until then I appreciate prayers for safe travels and an open heart for whatever feelings/thoughts/reflections continue to emerge in this transition process. It's a wild time but it's a good time.
My favorite as of late: Roses in Parque Frederico Garcia Lorca. It's just a few minutes from my house and I've taken time almost every day to walk through the beautiful park and I literally stop and smell the flowers.
