One time last fall, I was listening to Oprah's SuperSoul Conversations Podcast and Sue Monk Kidd was the guest and described how she saw "heaven in a wildflower." I was so struck with that image, and last week when my mom & I were walking around some gardens during our trip to Charleston, I was reminded of that quote when I came across this particular flower.
I'm still thinking about this flower now, in a larger sense, because I'm thinking about grace. A series of stories have come my way recently that have made me question if I really understand grace at all. Or for that matter, if I really understand the extent of the Lord's love for me. The most influential of these stories was Greg Boyle's Tattoos on the Heart in which he shares countless stories about redemption, perennial grace, and the unconditional love of the Lord that calls us His own. The entire narrative of that book left me in awe of this love of the Lord that I've grown distant from...listening too closely to interpretations of Christian faith that spout divine judgement, I didn't even realize I had grown out of touch with the gentle, fatherly, unendingly loving heart of God. Boyle shares quotes like, "behold the one beholding you, and smiling" and they just melt your heart with the truth you need to hear. My conception of quiet, containable grace couldn't stand up against his image of God's persistent and miraculous grace.
I would highly recommend that book to anyone even vaguely interested and it's one I need to keep on hand to remind me of this fundamental understanding of grace.
Above are some more pictures from our recent trip to SC. Beyond just being a restful, colorful, memorable trip to share with my mom, just being with her always teaches me about this kind of grace. I'm grateful for and in awe of the ways she loves me without condition.
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On a very different note, I wanted to begin to share my plans for next year(!). Throughout last fall, I considered different national opportunities fro a year of service, but around the new year I started to feel a tug toward something international. The Young Adult Volunteers program through the Presbyterian Church kind of fell into my lap a few weeks after I started looking into possibilities, and after interviewing, praying, and talking to loved ones, I've decided to do a year of service with YAV in Colombia.
I know with that kind of program come a million different questions, only some of which I can answer, so I wanted to share some of my excitements and concerns in this summer season of waiting (I'll pack my bags to leave mid-August). I'll also know more specifics come mid-June when I receive my placement site, but for now there are a lot of unknowns to what lies ahead.
First, to share what excites me about the opportunity to serve in an international context: My experiences traveling throughout college have instilled in me a deep curiosity about the world and an excitement about experiencing life in different places and cultures. Yet even in that adventure, I'm a relational person and I find groundedness in developing a support system of friends and family wherever I am. One primary intention of YAV is to invest in intentional Christian community wherever you serve, so I trust that my relational side will serve me well in seeking to develop that kind of community in a dissimilar culture from what I know to be familiar. Additionally, the primary language in Colombia is Spanish, and through my studies I've gained an advanced proficiency in the language that I hope to develop further. In all of this, I'm passionate about social justice and seek to be an ally to members of marginalized communities and still I learn daily how far I have to go and how much I have to learn about the lived experiences of people who look and live differently than me. I anticipate thinking about these themes often as I experience life in a South American country struggling with different challenges than those of the United States, and living in a community in which I don't fit into the majority. All together, I believe these interests and past experiences will inform my time in Colombia and have prepared me well to adapt to a different place.
Even more, I'm excited about growing deeper roots in my relationship with Christ. Just this Sunday in church Pastor Pat was talking about dependence upon the Lord and I know that I will learn that lesson time and again while in Colombia. To clarify a misconception, though: some people have interpreted YAV as a missionary program. A more appropriate and accurate portrayal of this program is that I will be entering into a community that has identified for themselves a need for some sort of volunteer and a desire to welcome a young person into their local Presbytery, and the spirit of this welcome is about mutuality and interdependence. I likely have nothing to offer that they can't offer to their own community. Yet, we both recognize the beauty and the benefit of partnering together with people who are different than ourselves and have had a diversity of experiences.
Then, I wanted to share some of the prayers that are on my heart now for the year ahead. In the spirit of vulnerability I wanted to share these and begin asking for people's support simply through prayer.
My life will likely look and feel pretty different than it does now, at least at the beginning. In thinking about how people can pray for me, I need prayer to hold on to an openness to unlearning. The perspective and understanding I have for the world now is limited to the environment in which I live and the privilege I benefit from. However, being in a different context will morph and challenge my existing perspective, and while I think that I want that now, it can be scary and uncomfortable having our perspectives challenged, so continued prayer for that would be appreciated.
I would also ask humbly for prayer that next year could be a season of faithfulness for me. Part of any path of faithfulness, I've come to realize, also involves us being faithful to ourselves. To me that means taking really good care of myself so that my physical and mental health can bolster my emotional and spiritual health. Simple practices I hope to be diligent about as I strive to take good care of myself are sleeping well, exercising regularly, staying plugged in to meaningful friendships, and eating lots of fruits & veggies. They might sound like simple steps, but I'm guilty of slacking off in at least one of those areas at a time, so simple self-care is becoming increasingly important as I come closer to this big life transition.
In the waiting and the inbetweenness of this season, I keep reminding myself "it will be revealed to me." Just as I was reminded of that phrase going into my semester abroad (and my first blog post on this site), I find comfort in those words now not knowing with confidence or certainty what is waiting for me on the other end of that plane ride. My friend Sam talks about how Jesus just calls us to "come," and he doesn't give us all the details from the beginning or a road map for where He'll take us. His call asks us to trust in the promise that the process will unfold before us in time. And, to circle back to my first notes on grace, maybe that's grace at work that I wouldn't know the full picture yet I could trust in the unfolding.
In the future, this will be the blog I continue to use while sharing updates and reflections on my time in Colombia. When I open my eyes, I know I'm surrounded by a multitude of friends and family cheering me on and I am so grateful for that support. Here's to a few more months being near those special people and preparing for what's ahead.
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